Hello BOTB! Your local timpani/person chiming in here.

I was diagnosed with autism a month ago. Now, autism and music often go together, and autism and niche interests/obsessions (for example, old consoles) also often go together. So I'd guess that I'm not the only one on here. I did a quick search for autism on this site and there's a few references here and there, but I thought I'd make an actual thread about it.

I've been looking into this sort of thing over the last year or two ever since it was first suggested to me. During that time, one of the things that really helped was reading stories by other people on the spectrum, or finding out that there were people on the spectrum who I liked/admired in some way. So that's why I made this thread. I think it definitely helps with awareness and acceptance if people are open about things! So I'm keen to hear from any others. I'm also happy to talk about my experiences if anyone's interested.

Hi

when i was 3 i was diagnosed with aspergers. i was also diagnosed with ocd a while after i finished middle school

i dunno if i have a story about it, i have millions but im almost ashamed of all of them; the moral of them all being "its definately different for everyone."

the entire time i was in high school i was suffering more due to my ocd than my autism, which seemed to disappear entirely. i graduated from high school a couple months ago, and now i can say that my autism is still there; its just very hard for me to notice it due to not having been around anyone irl at all. (homeschool)

Well, I definitely have some traits of Aspergers/High Functioning Autism.

However, I've never been officially diagnosed. So I've kind of stopped mentioning it much. Although I've had many people, even bosses at work, and a social worker friend I know, who have mentioned that I probably have that condition based on some common traits they observed.

I HAVE been diagnosed with OCD, minor depression, anxiety, ADHD, Tourettes Syndrome, and so forth. These are often considered "co-morbids" of HFA/Aspergers... though not always directly linked.

I definitely don't fit in with the crowd, and there have been quite a few social skills and rules that I've been oblivious to. Where as most people understand them intuitively, I have to learn the same things second hand.

Also, I definitely have the trait of obsessive interests to the exclusion of anything else. It started out with astronomy when I was four years old. I was literally obsessed with the planets in our solar system. It was all I could talk about. Same thing with frogs later on, and then with U.S. coin collecting at around age 7/8. It was like during those times, my mind was totally consumed with those things.

Nowadays, it typically is chiptune music, although I've gotten to a point of balance and maturity. Mainly due to my faith in Christ, and His exhortation to "use the things of this world without being engrossed in them".

1 Corinthians 7:31 - those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

That's a LOT easier said than done, especially for an obsessive person like me. But after many years, I'm much more balanced and functional. I'm blessed with many friends and family who support and care for me. They have taught me how to work hard and be independent in life.

Earlier in life, I was on psychotropic medication for a variety of diagnoses. But at age 17, I gave it all up. My life actually improved after I was free of medications. Although, my horomones were completely messed up! ~_~

I had gained a lot of weight and was seriously depressed and dysfunctional on medication. Nasty stuff!

all of them

Well, at some point in my youth I had OCD and OC personality disorder; I only have the latter now.

I'd be surprised if any less than 95% of the chip community was autistic.

ho ho hello. It certainly seems logical to me that autistic people are more likely to
・enjoy making music
・prefer computers to traditional instruments
・have weird retro interests
So I'd imagine we form a large portion of the chorpturn community.

probably
i feel like if i was, then it would be of benefit perhaps to other people to know that but not necessarily to me

I'd be more surprised if I wasn't.

yes me

very pleased at the maturity in this thread. on any other site this would devolve into insults very fast.

and yep, me too. got diagnosed with aspergers (and somehow was an anomaly in a way i'm still not sure about) at a very young age

EDIT: also what ctrnr said down there

i am fully autistic a minimum of 75% of my waking hours and 100% of my musicking hours

asperger's diag in early childhood.

the majority of the video games I had to play were on my dad's emulators as a kid. somehow this imprinted in my brain a love for chip music.

Bigger question: who isn't

Never been diagnosed because my parents don't believe in mental health problem (they believe in that religious satan-in-your-body bullshit). I don't know what's the name of the disorder I'm having, but I used to be left out at school, trouble fitting in, made fun of, having anxiety finishing projects and such. Like, I'm more interested with more obscure things than the mainstreams. Is it autism? Not sure.

i was supposed to be tested for asperger's in elementary school but my parents wouldn't let them bc they didn't want me to end up medicated and i fully respect them for that. but i'm 99% certain the school's suspicions were accurate even if i don't have an official diagnosis (which i'd like to get someday just to Confirm for myself)

i think the title should be

"Any autistic B's OTB here?"
though

huh, I guess maybe a better question would have been 'Any totally normal BOTB'rs here?'

It's been interesting to hear from so many people. I guess the thread is a little redundant now! I think I sometimes feel a little out of place IRL now that I have a diagnosis (though I always did anyway) and I was looking to feel a bit more at home. And you've all definitely done that haha

Uteprin, you're basically my own case, how do people get diagnosed with (high-functioning) autism at such young age, like before ten? Unless it's very severe I'm not even sure if it's noticeable in behaviour of kids who are that young tbh, isn't it like most of them seem to exhibit some of typically autistic traits until they're grown up a bit more? Maybe my parents were just careless about it tbh, since they can be pretty ignorant in many regards (not ill-intentioned, just unknowingly ignorant). I've been aware that something's not quite right with me since middle-school, but my parents, especially dad, were acting basically like yours, Uteprin, putting the blame on some supernatural/religious shit no one in their right mind would consider the real culprit (though they were probably like half-serious about it, not sure if my father actually believed in this pile of crap but i stopped caring at this point). My middle-school psychologist only determined that i have OCD, which i find to be totally true, i didn't know about Aspergers until 2012-13, when i read about it on the interet (also around that time i discovered imageboards like 4chan, which opened my eyes regarding this subject a bit), which made me convinced i definitely fall into the spectrum. I've been never diagnosed officially though

"Any totally normal BOTB'rs here?"

I haven't been formally diagnosed with anything, so I think I'm normal

but a quick scroll through my FB posts seems to debunk that

Arseburgers diagnosed at early age of idk 7-8 and I am feeling g o o o o o o o o d

I haven't been diagnosed with anything either, so I guess that makes me normal too.
Surprised at how many people here have been diagnosed here though.

~~Though lack of diagnosis =/= a confirmation that you don't have it, unless you were evaluated by some psychologist in the first place~~

that's also true, but i've looked up some of the symptoms and read the messages here, and I don't seem to have any of them. I guess i'm normal for now.

Any of you ever wonder if maybe it's not you, but them?

Yeah, sorry, it was me :c

Totally agree with irrlicht project.

I used to think I was autistic, but then I realized that it was only due to a bunch of stereotypes, and that only people who disliked me/were jealous/were just bad friends in general led me to think I was. I doubt assuming that you're autistic due only to personality traits makes any sense.

Plus, it can lead you to think you're unable of doing certain things, and therefore either make you stay in your comfort zone or be in continual discomfort. When I entered school at age 12, I was very shy because I was homeschooled until that point, but as soon as I became aware I was "normal" (not only "mental-disorder-wise" but also realizing, through IRL meetups with good friends of mine, how my different areas of interest impacted my ease to communicate with my classmates, and that it was precisely the only obstacle), I started making much more friends and being more courageous about talking to people I didn't know. I even made a really good friend at school who's a Tim Follin and Thunder Force fan (I went and randomly asked him if he liked chiptune after he advocated Sega when I was talking about retro video game systems), so who knows what you could be missing if you're in the same situation as I used to be! ;)

no autism but I my doctor said I have chronic depression and now I have loads of free time cause I can't work with the meds I take.

Some papers say I'm an autistic schizoid.

I only call myself autistic bc it is a meme but my mom thinks I am. I'm certainly the most autistic person that I know irl. I have depression and bi-polar symptoms, so I take meds for that. I also have "obsessive compulsive tendencies" according to my doctor and therapist, but that is relatively minor compared to the other two.

i'm fucked up.

yeah no shit.

my mom suggested I was autistic once but I probs wont get tested for that any time soon, but I do have dysphoria does that make me cool yet xd

@ irrlicht project yes i considered that as I was laying in bed starring at the ceiling while everyone I knew went to go hangout, socialize, and have fun. it's definitely them...

any totally normal botbers? ME. me me me me me.

I was usppoed to be on trileptal for life? For heavy mood swings and chronic depression that turned out to be left temporal lobe paroxysm. Short for too much electricity on my brain. The type of person that gets pissed off easily and shouldn't be near people when it happens because would blow up in rage plus epilepsys episodes could happen out of it.

the doctor was even surprised when he saw the EEG be full of spikes up and down instead of a mostly straight line. Should probably check again after 5 years to see if the diagnosis still applies

Hey, I'm not saying that there aren't people who are affected by serious psychological disorders. But what I see is an entire generation being labelled mentally ill and put on meds simply for refusing to conform to the twisted norms of a deeply hypocrite society. Am I autistic because I don't enjoy the bla bla that "normal" people are calling "socializing"? When asked at a job interview "Why do you want to work at our company?" and I can't think of any more witty answer other than "because I need the money, asshole", does that make me autistic? Or is that maybe more a point of refusing to praise the Emperor's New Clothes? Same with ADHD. Most of the kids I see getting diagnosed with that are in fact just being, you know, kids. But for parents who have to work 12 hours to make ends, for teachers are stressed out because of a shitty and worn-out education system, obviously that's gonna be a problem. One that we're gonna solve with Ritalin, of course. (And no, that's by no means an excuse for parents like Uteprin's or Midori's.)

Depression is perhaps a bit of a different story, but in the end, not really. Hell, I sure had my share of laying in bed staring at the ceiling. For months on end. I assume most of us have been brought up to believe that Life Is Great And Beautiful. And sure enough, there's beauty and greatness in life, this site being a notable example of that. But overall life isn't all that great and beautiful, and eventually you are going come to that realization. How is that not supposed to be a depressing experience? I mean sure there are ways to grow over that (hint: focussing on the good things in life even if they are insignificant helps a lot, as does developing a daily routine and forcing yourself to do stuff even if you Totally Don't Feel Like It). But imho going through a depression is a perfectly normal reaction to going into adulthood, given the circumstances. Unless of course you chose to blend out and ignore reality, which presumably is how "normal" people deal with this (who than totally crash once they're confronted with reality in a way they can't ignore). Again, that's not saying there aren't people who're depressed to the point where they need professional care. But anyway, I'm ranting. You get my point, I think.

irrlicht project: yeah, the whole 'socially awkward = autism' thing annoys me too, there's a lot more to autism than just that. I think people forget about the 'circumscribed interests' and 'repetitive behaviours' parts, and the fact that it has to have been present since early childhood.

For me, it turns out that as a baby I had a language delay (I didn't start properly conversing in sentences until I was 5, even though I was reading books and teaching myself piano pieces), and I was very noise sensitive and routine/ritual oriented. As a child I also almost never socialised with people my own age, preferring to explore the school alone, or play with sticks/grass, or sit and watch slowly flowing water, or get out a boardgame and fiddle around with the moving bits with no regard for the actual 'game' part. I became fascinated with doubling numbers and worked out the first 16 powers of 2 in my head when I was 6, and then got sick of them and moved on to something else. Anything to avoid people, who were weird and complicated.

I'm still extremely noise/touch sensitive now, I still struggle with knowing how things like socialising and friendship 'work' despite outwardly being relatively socially active, and I still find myself searching for visual patterns everywhere whenever I feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. I rock in my chair when overwhelmed and I enjoy repeatedly knocking my knee into my desk on a daily basis. So I'm pretty sure, after a year or so of research, that I'm at least borderline. It's still a valid condition, no matter how many people incorrectly self-diagnose based on insufficient information. And getting a diagnosis, plus doing all the research, has given me an answer to questions I've had ever since I became aware that I wasn't like other people. Questions like 'why am I broken' and 'why is there a part of me missing' which I have been consistently asking myself at least since I was 10, long before I had even heard of autism.

yea irrlicht project I agree with a lot of what you said.

With me the problem was that I was slowly declining and at the end couldn't function because of the depression. When my parents took me to a psychiatrist I was convinced that nothing was wrong with me but now that I look back I'm glad my parents did that. I also realize how bad my situation was and how much better I am. I can fuction again with my meds.

And then again I see also a lot of people complain and say they have "severe depression" like its become some sort of meme or something "cool" (like the vaporwave kids do), but when I look at them, I see they can really enjoy things and live life.

I even know some people that don't work because the jobs they get offered aren't "good" enough and then say to me they have a depression and that's why they're unemployed for years.. seems like an easy excuse. I'd go working if my doctor told me I won't relapse.

/rant

this is the wokest thing uve ever said

Apsarah: To be honest, your post mostly feels like philosophy salad to me, especially the first paragraph. As a society, we define disorders because we find it useful to do so. Sure, maybe the borders are fuzzy, and these 'disorders' do have some uses in some situations. I don't think it has anything to do with societal 'roles' though - I think it's just that everyone's brain develops uniquely, and some of them develop in ways that are a significant burden to them in today's society. Maybe centuries ago, in a different society, it wouldn't be a burden. Maybe if we lived more in touch with our 'natural' instincts, it wouldn't be a burden. But that's kind of irrelevant. What's important is that the way my brain has developed, here and now, in today's society, impairs me. And as a society, we look at this impairment, and give a label to it because putting things in categories allows us to understand them better. This label of 'autistic', right now, is helpful to me. It lets people get a good grasp on aspects of my personality and behaviour. It helps people feel more comfortable around me because (assuming they know what the label means) they feel they can understand how my brain works at least a little - and that's very important.

Idk why people like to romanticize autism and some even make fun of it.

My late and dearly missed older brother had an extreme degree of autism, to the point that he never learned to read, he never engaged in a conversation for the entirety of his life and all the words that ever came out of his mouth were either repetition of phrases talked to him or music we listened to. He understood a decent deal of what we talked to him in the way a small child understands tho.

During all of his life, my family took the caring of him as the greatest priority and we moved between cities, tried all the treatments available, including some which were considered the best ones in the early 90s, that required full immersion so he could have monitored social interaction with other patients. During that time we became acquainted with many other people suffering from the "same" (it is rarely really the same) condition and their families and it was very hard for all of them as it was for us. Up to the point when we gave up and decided we would just accept he couldn't be cured and for everything he was missing in life, he was happy living with us and having no idea about what a normal life was and we loved him anyway so it wasn't felt as a burden. Of course, we didn't stop treating him but we stopped chasing every new thing that appeared about autism treatment because it was like chasing rainbows.

During the decades (he was born in 79), autism became better known and medicine acknowledged that there were many degrees to the condition and that some people who can actually function like "normal" people (like the many cases in this topic) are in fact, autistic too. But most autistic I met in my life, thanks to my brother's treatments, weren't so lucky.

My point is: while I understand that a condition that in some cases can make the patient excel in some areas (my brother had an angel voice when he sang, even if he couldn't talk and nobody ever taught him to sing) can be somehow "charming", autism is not a "trait", it is a condition, it can be awful and it can kill (because in the extreme cases the person literally lives in "another universe" and because it can bring other conditions that kill). So don't take it lightly and look for help if you think you may be suffering from it but you are not sure.

luckily enough, i'm not on any meds. i just drink too much sometimes. not certain what's worse. if i take meds my brain gets fucked up without them, or because i self-medicate that my body its fucked without them.

honestly, i think we're all not artists unless we're fucked up.

who wants a bunch of kitschy art all the time that has no substance? weebs say YEAAAAHHHH...

People make fun of it because awkward autistic interactions are funny.

aside from a few small details i think i'm fairly normal 0: (or at least can make it seem that way lol) i do have a lot of quirks / idiosyncrasies, but !! imo they're less fundamental flaws and more the result of my decision on what i focus my time and energy into. and you don't really see them unless you spend a decent amt of time w me.

hm, i know i used to be socially awk, but afaik i'm mostly good now. just took until i was 20+ yrs old to figure out how to get comfortable with socializing and make it seem at least somewhat natural. unfortunately my goto for socializing is conformity, and i'll sometimes consciously and unconsciously mimic behavioral/language/idealistic patterns to ease myself into situations. being able to recognize those tho i'm p sure is part of the definition of not having autism tho so, i'm p sure i'm good there.

i'm certain i have adhd (primarily inattentive) but that's not rly the point of discussion. i'm planning on getting it checked sometime soon hopefully tho cause it gets bad sometimes.

i was actually just talking to someone abt how i doubt that anyone with severe autism would be commenting coherently in this thread. i've also known a few folks with it and it's extremely dehabilitating.

I'm in the spectrum, yes. Aspergers/High functioning. I prefer not to talk about it, or even think about it.

autistic is the new retarded, and that's basically it. No sense in taking it personal. Hardly anyone on botb is truly autistic as far as a diagnosis, they are just retarded weebs with no life. I skirted around the term "diagnosed" because I realize how bad these kinds of issues can be for certain people, and I didn't want to make light of it.

i'll just say this, maybe someone else gets it. it's very much possible to hide what's wrong with me when i can spend time wording what i say, exactly as i'd like to say it. in real life i can't do this, so people DON'T accept me. it might not be as severe as the kind of people you're talking about, but it's still not "normal" enough to dismiss it as just "boxing myself in"

i took it personally

aspergers is a form of autism. imo strange that it's called "high functioning" because it's alot weaker than actual autism.

the only people i knew with actual autism were my cousin and friend. we were all fucked up in our own way, besides the autism part

please don't narrow your definition to "retardation"

please don't ask me what im doing with my life if you haven't asked yourself the same question

HIgh Functioning part refers more to the ability of the person to function somewhat succesfully in society, rather than the severity of the autism spectrum itself doctor, at least that's how i always understood it.

Also yeah, you can't really narrow the autism spectrum to one, single, distinctive condition, it can manifest in plethora of ways, and can be very much blurred, depending on the person.

~~BTW, relatable, Karmic~~

Zero: "Are you really so compelled to box yourselves in further like this?"

Yes.
Please understand - from my perspective, it's not even so much a case of boxing myself in. It's a case of feeling boxed in all my life, and now all of a sudden I have some more information about this box. I know what it's made of, I know what it looks like from the outside, I know where the flaps and air holes are. I can also meet and talk to other people in similar boxes to find out even more information. If this label was found to be completely incorrect (and I'm well aware that could be the case), I'd still be in a box, I'd just go back to not knowing anything about it.

"What do you hope to accomplish, more disdain for a world that everybody knows is downright nasty?"
Certainly not. I like people and the world. I always have and I probably always will, it's just a part of my personality. Autistic or not, I know that I'm very different to most people, and that's fine. It doesn't make me look down on other people. That's getting more into narcissism. As to what I'm hoping to accomplish, I talked about that in earlier posts.

Cessor: 'Retarded' does kind of have an actual meaning. Google says "less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual for one's age." (it also calls it 'dated offensive'). I know that you could say 'autistic' is the new 'retarded' in terms of its use as an insult ('autistic' seems a quite fashionable term nowadays to call someone annoying in a game), but I don't think that's what you were going for in your post.
I know that self-diagnosis based on incorrect information is a problem. But please believe me when I say that I would not be talking about this if I was unsure about my information. It is incredibly important to me that I (and everyone else) have an accurate view of myself, and I spend a lot of time looking into these things.
For similar reasons, I don't think you should assume that the majority of people professing to be autistic aren't actually autistic enough for a diagnosis, unless you've actually talked to them about it and done research on what autism can mean (and I suspect you haven't, judging from the worryingly dismissive tone of your post.)

Karmic: Yes, I do totally relate. I even need to rehearse certain possible conversations if I think I might have them.

For anyone who might be self-diagnosing, please keep looking into it! Read stories, look at youtube vlogs that talk about it (there's a whole bunch of autism related channels/youtubers that I've found, most of whom do genuinely have a diagnosis).

I'm actually really glad that this discussion is happening (and I hope that the community as a whole doesn't mind yet) because I think there is a lot of misunderstanding in the world. Autism isn't just the extreme examples, by definition. And I don't think it minimizes the suffering of those with extreme difficulties, to recognize that some people have moderate difficulties that are nevertheless enough to severely affect their life.

That's exactly what I was going for in my post. I could have used better wording, but you seem to get my point although it's from the opposite direction I had intended. I wasn't trying to be dismissive towards you are anyone else here who has suffered from mental illness and took the proper steps at sussing out what the actual root of the issue was, and I apologize to any of you who I may have offended. Anyone can say they are anything, and this thread already contains pseudo-science and what seems like self-diagnosis, all of which are things I feared would bubble up in this thread. I can be very cynical and that is why I might come off as dismissive but in reality I'm just taking everything I read in this thread with a huge grain of salt. Admittedly I don't know much about autism, and this thread has been really eye-opening. I hope I addressed everything it's probably best that I just stay out of this thread lol.

Well, just so everyone is aware, to obtain a diagnosis of Aspergers/HFA, it might totally depend on the psychologist you are attempting to acquire a diagnosis from.

In other words, every doctor has their own opinion on what DOES and DOESN'T qualify as "autistic". Just like everyone on this thread.

Heck, there are some doctors who won't even give a diagnosis of "High Functioning Autism". The kid literally has to be completely disfunctional before it's a consideration.

Then there's the other extreme of diagnosing Aspergers like it's candy.

Same thing with ADHD and other things.

Indeed there are probably many health professionals with a balanced approach.

But just because there's the DSM 5 psychiatric standards, does not mean that every psychologist and neurologist is going to adhere to those.

There are a lot of gray areas that are essentially left up to the interpretation of others.

What I think is more important is learning how to overcome the things which hold you back from becoming an independent functioning adult as much as possible. With or without high functioning autism.

I'll probably never know if I have it or not. But I don't really care anymore. I've learned how to make it in life independently, by the grace of God.

And that's all that really matters to me in terms of that.

Keep in mind, I've also done a LOT of research into the topic, and have been a part of an online community before specifically geared toward people with autism and other mental maladies. I've drifted away from all that, being satisfied with where things are headed now. Not needing a special explanation for whatever talents or difficulties I have.

Except that I just enjoy making music which I like to share with others. And there are many people who are much more talented than me. And that's OK. Just gives me something practical to always strive for, and keeps me humble in that regard.

Keep in mind, I totally respect people who have authentic diagnosis.

The reason for a diagnosis is to provide a reason to give help and assitance to someone suffering from debilitating symptoms that arise from High Functioning Autism. And within the proper ways, there is nothing wrong with that.

Some people need more help in life than others. That's just the way the world is. Everyone is created differently.

In my case, I don't have any symptoms that are debilitating enough to require a diagnosis. Though I share some similar traits to many people with a diagnosis, it does not necessarily make it so.

I'll leave it up to others to decide for themselves.

Looking back on when I was younger, I had quite a few symptoms of it. As I've grown older, they've all receded fairly drastically. I had a lot of trouble especially in late elementary school and high school learning how to socialize with others and actually have real conversations. It took over a year of a very dedicated and wonderful girl who rode my bus to actually teach me how to really talk to others. I'm genuinely amazed she persevered through how awkward I was. Even then, it wasn't until very late in high school that I really figured out how friendships worked.

I struggled a lot with anxiety and depression during that period, too. Even now I still struggle some, but nowhere near the same level. Some of that, I think, was due to a very unhealthy home life. Being in a constant state of believing that everyone rightfully ought to hate me was not a fun time. Believing I deserved to feel depressed and awful and empty was not good at all.

Struggled with some sexual assault stuff I'd rather not go into details on both as a kid and as a college student. Also not fun or healthy and further muddied the waters about what problems I would have just inherently had.

Fortunately, the story has a happy ending! I am now a mostly well adjusted human being and a successful project manager for an AV company with a wonderful boyfriend who I will probably marry someday. :)

@ eriophora - I'm truly very happy for you. I really hope you do get married under the best of circumstances, and that all goes well in your relationship.

Just had a rather bizaare breakup myself... still wondering just what on earth happened. But I have to accept that there is probably nothing I can do, and I need to move on.

I have to accept that it might not even be any fault of mine. Just a situation that is out of my control, even though I treated her like the apple of my eye.

God bless and help her. :'(

Sometimes two people just aren't quite suited :/ even when no one is wrong, per se, the relationship still might not quite be right.

I'm probably reading too much into your comment, but is it possible that you may have had her up on a pedestal to some extent? It can be exhausting in an odd way to be in a relationship with someone when they treat you more like a "princess" than like just a normal human being, if that makes sense.

In any case, I hope things work out well for you both :(

Oh man eriophora, I can relate with you so much on believing people to constantly hate on me. It took me until university to finally have friends who can understand me and appreciate my skills and talents, despite one of them who's uncomfortable with my depression (it's understandable).

@ eriophora I DID treat her very nicely. But I think it had more to do with the trauma she suffered from the past, and her parents being over protective and over controlling... even though she is a grown adult, she did not have her independence.

Plus the emotional abuse and guilt tripping I can only imagine her parents are doing. I really feel sorry for her.

There's just a lot of other details which I also don't feel comfortable sharing publicly... but it was a pretty complex situation.

But maybe one day she'll come back... or maybe somebody else will come along instead. Who knows what the future might hold?

On thing's for sure, I really miss her. :'(

@zero slightly late on this but imo its a little strange to say “none of u hold a candle” when u know relatively very little of the personal struggles of people here. like sure i can talk pretty good but i cant do a whole lot else tbr

Oof, I just looked back up to read zero's post. Also @zero - just because some else has it worse doesn't make some else's struggle invalid. And no one is saying their life is terrible that I've seen - this is just a place to say, "Oh, hey, I am like this person" and remember that you're not in it alone. Everyone struggles in some way or other, and most people who have autism have it manifest in slightly different and distinct ways. There are people who are starving and dying in the world (heck, and some of those people are severely autistic, to boot). Pretty much everyone here is better off than someone in the world. That's obvious. Talking about our struggles doesn't make light of anyone else's.

It's not really a matter of boxing yourself in so much as accepting that something is a part of your life. Sure we're all moving forward in some way shape or form, but for better or for worse these things DO define some aspects of our lives.

Hahaha How Is Autism Even Real? Like Just Do Some Drugs and Apply For 10 Jobs At a Time.

Somewhere around Kindergarten I was diagnosed ADD and my Mom refused to put me on meds which I am eternally grateful for (this would have been 1984?). I'd say most of my social problems stem more from paranoia and trust issues rather than whats being discussed here. As an adult, I'm not really diagnosed or self-diagnosed of anything specific. But, about five years ago, two things happened -- 1) I had more than one person call me "aspie" & 2) I suddenly had an autistic baby nephew. I spent a lot of time reading about, but I think what helped me understand the most was actually listening to people talk about their experiences on youtube. There are some things that I can kind of relate to. I wish I could remember the official term for what I call "auditory dyslexia" -- every great once and a while someone will say something and I hear something totally different with the same pulse and syllable count. It's usually nonsense: "cat sitter" becomes "badge pisser", the song "when i see you smile

" was "when i see you cry -- I can face the world -- oh oh you know i can do anything" the whole time it was on the radio for me. For years. Like 8 years I thought thats what that song was saying without question because I am an idiot (also I didn't like it enough to bother knowing who did it). They say objectively observing yourself is near impossible. I find it often helps (for me) when I'm getting anxious to mentally separate what I'm feeling from what is actually happening, try to discover the nature of the relationship of those two things and then, finally, make a judgement call if my "intuitiveness of feels call to rises", if you will, is rational or not. Then I can mitigate the "fight or flight" surges. But sometimes shit just stacks and I don't have time to view the world in a rational way. Drive to work and 6 city blocks downtown are blocked off with my parking garage in the middle of it all. If I were to self-diagnose anything it would be "high functioning sociopath" because OH WHATS THAT? the news says 8 cops shot a man with a gun outside a club and two separate homeless folk tell me a man shot 8 cops with an uzi (the cops are blocking the location to cover it up) AND, despite how recockulous it sounds that cops would cover up losing personal, IF either scenario is true I feel nothing but bitterness and disgust for these people who died because they pose a direct correlation to me having to park my car downtown 3 times in 1 day. I've since calmed down about it. A bit.

PS - Never introduce yourself to a group of strangers with a dead baby joke.

<3

Not here to clarify Zero's point of view. Rather, I think I understand that point of view and come from a similar one with some optimism sprinkled in!!!

If you are autistic, it is fine to accept that label if you're diagnosed. But do your best not to define your limits by that label. There are already plenty of people in the real world that will do that for you. You may have even experienced it personally with teachers, parents, peers, any number of people. But time and time again, those people are proven wrong by awesome people around us who exceed their handicap by a mile.

I hope saying that doesn't sound like I'm spouting platitudes. But I feel like sincx's situation with his parents kinda hits the nail on the head. His parents didn't want him diagnosed because, for one, he would be labeled. Labels can be helpful (an example in this very thread being stewboy being able to find some context in the symptoms of autism, whereas before that point in time he was left with a lot of unanswered questions), but they can also be damaging to the person being labeled, because of the aforementioned limit-setting. So we have to remind ourselves not to fall into that trap.

And I think for the most part, you fellas all believe you are more than your labels. Also, if you are feeling defensive about what I'm saying, please know that I'm not assuming you all haven't considered the things I'm saying already. I'm simply offering words that I think are helpful.

BUT, if you are ever selling yourself short, you know deep down that you are. Do your best not to lie to yourself, no matter what condition you do or don't have. Whatever state you're in, I believe you are all capable of a lot of wonderful things, and are deserving of happiness!!!

literally everyone here either has autism or some sort of mental illness, thats basically a requirement to be part of any niche internet community. sometimes im physically repulsed by this fact but then i remember i outrank all of you in the sperg category so none of you have shit on me

i didnt choose the sperg life the sperg life chose me