I have been dealing with depression for two weeks now, but I kept wanting to deny it. I'm having so much trouble making breakfast in the mornings that isn't just sugar, like I can't cook anything, so I just skip it or eat a fruit or some cereal. I have been trying to stay off of sugar, but it's just something I keep going back to and feeling bad about.

I haven't written a song in two months, which sucks, and I just keep waiting until I feel something, but no luck. I tried working on three different song ideas today, but I just didn't get anything. I hated all of them and I hate that my expectations for "good" is so high. Like it has to be "perfect" for me to be satisfied. And so, days keep going by and I just disappoint myself where I haven't worked on anything.

I stopped drawing, learning Spanish, reading, voice acting, just about every hobby except for drums. Almost every weekday, I'm able to go to my church and jam on the drums. Which is super fun! I love doing it, but I feel terrible when I'm not able to because then I feel like I didn't do anything all day.

I just enrolled in college, and I start in January, but I am beyond stressed about my classes and how that will affect my life. I have a job, but it's seasonal, and I keep needing to find another one. I try to be as professional as I can and show up in person, but no one has called me back. And I've also got really, really bad ADHD that makes me have comprehension issues and I'm always messing up, like several times a day, at least, and I just keep beating myself up about it.

I wake up and just feel the same, and the only real "cope" I have is to listen to music. Lik,e it doesn't fix anything, but it doesn't take any effort so I can do it anytime.

But yeah, I haven't even done any OHBs or been active in the BotB community, because even that seems like so much work. It's just EVERYTHING feels like a monumental chore, which sucks because there are like four things I need to get done by Christmas.

My main point for this is to ask for help, because I'm feeling super low rn, and just whatever you guys did that helped yours, I'll all ears.

hey man, hang in there. life sucks sometimes, but there's always a new day with new joys around the corner.

i know it sounds kinda hash or something, but i've found just getting myself out there and making music is always a great way to relieve stress. it doesn't exactly have to be for a botb compo or anything, but just making it might help you.

i'll keep you in my prayers, pal. stay strong

I'm not sure if this will help but I know for me that joining OHBs can be nice when feeling low, like you do a simple song without minding too much about details and there always a good atmosphere on the Discord/IRC chat so it's good for social interactions too :D

there was actually a very similar thread on here last year where people shared their advice and experiences with depression: linky link

which... i'm not saying to deflect from your post, i only mention it because there's some good genuine advice in there, and for me personally, my advice remains the same: build good habits and stick to them, take care of your body.

as far as being in a creative rut goes, i agree with opilion that OHBs are a great way to just make *something* with super low stakes - but crucially it means you DO make something and you are not afforded the opportunity to worry about details or perfectionism. it is what it is, at the end of the hour. and you do it with other people, which is extra important at a time when you're no doubt compelled to isolate yourself further.

in this respect, OHBing could also be a good habit to get into. i really can't stress the importance of habits enough. the more you do them, the more like second nature it feels. whereas putting forth Effort where there hasn't been any Effort in a while is a challenge. take little steps to get back up there and you'll find your motivation return bit by bit

yeah, I checked that one out, but I decided to make my own instead of 1up-ing Snug's

What makes me feel better when I'm down is doing activities I enjoy and meeting with people in person who are good listeners and supportive. To me, rock climbing and lifting weights and partner dancing make me feel better than making music at this point, though making music can be fun. Having goals to work towards is important. Also it is really easy for me to not have sugary food if i deliberately don't have sugary stuff in the house.

For me, it's very important to be involved with an in-person (not online) community and have a variety of different things I enjoy.

Keep it up man. We aren't perfect and having ups and downs is a part of the journey.

I can't tell my experience but I do can tell you that sometimes all you have to do is keep going until the path gets clearer.


Also, if you're having problems with your morning meals I suggest you start picking up some recipes online, I used to only eat coffee and sandwiches as my morning meal, but whenever I have time I like to give myself some extra appreciation and look up something online to cook.

Lastly, don't worry about college, im 2 years in and let me tell you yes there's some professors and classes that are gonna be a pain in the ass but overall it's a great experience, just make sure you prepare yourself before the exams week, the less that you want is having to prepare 3 consecutive exams in a weekend.

I hope you manage to get through these tough times.

I can say I did reach a point where I put a halt on the things really important to me.

I learned overall to take things simple or one step at a time. Approach things in a new manner and at the same time, simplify the process of how I tackled it. Not to mention putting priority in certain things.

I was learning spanish, doing art, and music at the same time, but it began to become stressful for me.

Thats why I put a halt on art and focused mainly on music. And from time to time, I do a bit of Spanish as this helps prevent brain overload for me. Not to mention, as I'm practicing music, I begin to understand the things i LOVE to hear in music and further improve/simplify my process there.

Like you said, you do try to focus so much on making everything perfect. So maybe I would suggest try prioritizing just 1 or 2 out of the many things your studying and think of a simple process/workflow/style that you love the most there. Focus on putting you/your characteristics on what your studying.

Atleast, thats what works for me and my troubled journey. c:

Hopefully that made sense too. I have a hard time getting my point across sometimes

and also, take a walk sometimes - in my worst times i had no idea how amazingly it helped

@nitrofurano I never take walks ever because I didn’t think they would work, but I took about an hour walk in the park and it completely cleared my head and put me in a better mood. I got home, drew, and played music in the background. I gotta say, I still feel great, I just felt so free. Idk how long this good feeling will last, but I’ll enjoy it while it does. Thanks a bunch, nitro

yw, @Kalowe !

I had pretty bad depression in my second year of college, didn't really realize it until I took a psych course and realized all my symptoms matched, haha. I fought it with a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and antidepressants. Antidepressants are a bit stigmatized but don't count them out, sometimes your brain chemicals need a bit of extra help. It's not a perfect long term solution though, it should also be combined with all the fantastic advice given above. In any case I do recommend at least talking to a counselor, doctor, or therapist if any of those are available to you.

Oh yeah, walking is how i clear my head. i’m the kind of loon who’ll go for a hour walk and go like three miles. obviously you don’t have to do that yourself lol, but any form of physical activity can be helpful. going to your local gym or something too can be super helpful too (if you have a membership).

as im sure is a very controversial statement, depression sucks. absolutely been there and want to express empathy and solidarity. antidepressants have done a lot and are frankly (and given the topic it should be something one can fairly openly talk about here) a big reason that im alive.

+1 to walking and also to basic things you can do to get out of your head. keep hydrated, keep on top of hygiene, do the difficult self-care like making sure you have food that is satisfying and nourishing, and be patient with yourself when you fall behind on things. being patient with yourself is really fucking hard but crucial

location is also huge. i keep needing to change location when one place starts to become a Depression Zone

regardless of all of this or how effective the advice may or may not be, I wish you nothing but the very best. it's always great to see you around, and I appreciate your presence and your music!

Thank you so much, goddess, and I’m glad I’ve made a lasting presence here!

The only piece of personal advice I have is to defy yourself and not skip out on things. Every depressed phase I have had, I tend to get really slumped, barely having the will to do anything, even basic things ike eating meals or greeting people.

Not doing anything while knowing full well you could've done something takes a massive toll on one's self-esteem, and that causes you to do even less, it's a malicious feedback loop that just gets harder and harder to escape with time...

I've been dealing with severe depression for almost 3 years now, to the point of randomly experiencing mental breakdowns and having condtant suicidal thoughts. I've lost sight of who I am long ago, and have come to accept my fate as someone who is a lost cause. My life has been a nothing but a big downwards slope ever since I started to be aware of my outwards image and it feels like I constantly have a looming voice in my head, wishing me nothing but bad luck and doing anything it can to make my life as misersble as possible.

I know I'm not qualified to talk about this as I'll very likely never recover from this situation, but speaking from my own experience, it's especially at times like these, that you realise how important the little steps you take to be a better person are, and how vindicated one can feel for doing what they know is good for them.

Even if you don't feel good about yourself, somewhere inside you, something will always thank you for the tough choices you take fot your own sake, may that be your eyes for taking that short screentime break even if that show you're bingewatching is great, or perhaps your ears for putting down your headphones and working out in quiet, despite hearing an absolute banger or your brain for taking that extra long sleep, even if you should be studying for that test which is gonna happen soon.

Don't forget that you're not just a brain, you're a unique nd complex machine, which is capable of incredible feats! And never forget that it's not just you in this crazy world, that there is always someone, no matter if it's family, friends, or a stranger on a chiptune music forum, who cares about you and wishes you nothing but the best.

I'm sorry to hear about your own struggles, Arda, but I am glad you have such a positive outlook on it. I truly hope it gets better for you and thank you so much for that message.

I'm also very glad I shared how it's been going for me, because I've gotten so much more help that I initially thought.

I just want to let you guys know it's been a whole lot better. There haven't been any drastic changes, like I'm still not eating healthy, and I haven't gotten any language learning/photography/voice acting in, but I finally got around to making and finishing a song and it just made me feel so good. I got some enormous things done that were stressing me out, and I've learned some new things on drums!

Also, I was super lonely when I first started this thread, and I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. But I started talking to an online friend who I knew a little bit beforehand, and we realized how much we have in common and enjoy together, and now we're talking every day. I don't know if it'll ever go further, because she's on the other side of the world and I'm still figuring myself out, but she makes waking up everyday worth it.

Thanks again for your support, guys, it means everything <3