oh man everybody's making such big posts!! i gotta make a big post too, or I won't be popular! uhhhh....oh, I know! I'll talk about my early creative life!! that should fill some space. skip to the end if you just want album review
in high school, before I knew what I was doing, I always had such ambitious plans. I still do, but I had no idea how to actually execute my ideas back then. I had this idea, divorced from actual artistic labor as I was back then, that I would pitch a game doc to a creative studio and they'd bring it to life through their respective roles. After all, whatever magical work a programmer does is probably a similar level of work to my ADD-riddled ass managing to create a design document, right? Anyway, you probably already know what this is: I was the "idea guy", the person with no development experience, who wasn't even sure how to *get* that kind of knowledge, who nevertheless wanted to be involved. Naturally, nothing ever came of that strategy.
Now, game jams were a great wake-up call for me. They were the first time I got to be around people as they seriously worked on media. As I did more of them, I gradually shifted from idea guy to tool-assisted level designer to debugger - and eventually sound guy because I started doing music! (how did that even happen?!) But I have some sad memories of people who were always in a bad position in day 1 of jams. They thought they couldn't join any other group because all those groups already had the key members with skillz - programmers, artists, sound, programmers, programmers. So they'd start their own group, with them as the project lead...and no one else was joining their group. And they'd be freaking the fuck out because the hours were ticking by and they couldn't get anyone to do the art for their project. In my earliest jams, that'd certainly be me if people didn't so nicely let me into their groups.
In those years, I had a real cool friend, and all we really did was play video games together. But he always came to me with big ideas. "Hey man, let's record ourselves here and edit the footage into us killing zombies!" "Dude, we should totally make a game together. I have such a great idea for one." Obviously, none of it ever turned into anything. When I started experimenting with streaming, I always invited him because I thought he was funny, but I always ended up frustrated because he was either high or half-paying attention every time I brought him on. He wasn't taking it seriously, you know? I wasn't paying him to be there or anything, but I was still upset that I couldn't reliably get him to be invested in the stream like I was. He totally signed up to do the stream with me, and then he didn't do the real work that came with it afterwards. Nobody who knew the guy would say he didn't have passion, but for someone who was supposedly so eager to make cool shit with me, he never really got into it when it was time to put the work in. And his ambitions only dwindled over time. It seemed clear to me, anyway, that even if we did make something together, I'd be doing all the work...and he had zero idea of what doing that work was actually like. It only really started to bug me once I stopped being an "idea guy" and got much more serious about my goals. I like to think we're still friends, even though I had to move on.
So eventually, I got on a path, right? My music was fuckin ROUGH starting out, but I had a cool idea. Through some weird-ass machinations, I was able to contact voice actor Paul Eiding, famous for playing characters like Colonel Campbell in Metal Gear Solid. I wanted to get a sample of him for my music. I knew zero about what professional voice actors do or what their pay is like, but I asked the guy: "Hey, listen. I have no idea if this is uncouth or anything, but like...if I gave you 15 bucks, would you be willing to record a voice line for me?" I take dumb shots like that all the time. You'd be surprised how many dunks you can make if you go for a three-pointer every week. And what amazing luck: The motherfucker actually got back to me. He sent me a recording, and it came with a prologue.
Now, I'll paraphrase so as to pretend I don't remember his exact words and that they're not seared into my brain: "You know, your instincts were right. 15 dollars is not fair for what you're asking. And yes, it is inappropriate to ask for that. But hell, you never know until you try, and it's cool that you tried. So let's give you this one for free, why not?"
It was a pog-ass gesture, the song I made sucked balls, and I learned something. The relevant part of the audio he gifted me is in botb's sample heap. I treasure it for multiple reasons. It's weird that he both taught me to value people's time and labor...while also rewarding me for making a dumbass moonshot and grasping for his attention. But I get it now.
Realizing that I'm most likely autistic over the last year really helped put a lot of this stuff into perspective.
I'm still not exactly making bank off my creative work, but this has been, by far, the most creatively successful year of my life. I'm really happy with how far I've come. And looking back on it, the most important thing I learned is that there are really only two ways to create a massive project that requires diligent collaboration:
1) Do everything yourself.
2) Make your collaborators professional and pay them a fair wage. Don't pay them in spec. Don't count on their passion being enough to have them do an unknown number of hours of work. It won't work.
And even in the case of #2, without a clear directorial vision and goals, it can still fail spectacularly, as we've seen in the case of every video game startup created by trust-fund babies. A director MUST have some idea of what can be reasonably expected of each collaborator. If they were to, for example, ask for some length of animation, which most animators understand to be a large task, them not being aware of how much work goes into that would be disastrous for understanding the project's scope. They also have to, in the case of profit-based ventures, have a realistic understanding of how much money they're likely to make.
I don't look down on anyone who's in the process of learning the lessons I had to learn. It's rough. But hey, sometimes you hit a triple and one out of ten people you try to get work out of actually show up. In my opinion, that makes it worse, because you can learn the wrong lesson from that kind of success.
anyway that had nothing to do with anything, just thought it was interesting. Cool album max! i like when the bass goes woawoaowaowoawo