Hello and good day!

I have thought about this thread to be a place to share experiences, specially harsh ones, from thinking that reading at may offer support to fellows in, be from hopefully finding others understanding what it feels, or vent it out, maybe also for others to!

I recall myself now and then feeling desire to help me with struggling feelings from talking in chat, and ending up swallowing it myself instead: I have come to think that trying to portray a perfect role model and processing what I feel desire to express, in care of ethereal concepts as how I interpret so may be felt, and take effect on one or more scopes differs from being self sustainable for me, from practicing playing against me: I am aware that I am preventing myself from saying what I immediately think from what I feel, and aiming to filter it out, ponder about to find a way I feel most content to, or neglect it to fit I consider as tactful expressing, or even feel content about what I feel! I am aware about that I differ from being honest however, and that exposing myself by saying immediately I think is challenging for me to: How rewarding and liberating is the times I do, however, albeit occurring less times than otherwise.

I think that practicing is helping my emotional stability, and my ability to maintain verbal communication to a point surprising me: I yet think am so bad in exchanging as I deem as fun on verbal conversation, it however begins feeling so natural to just say what I think regardless of anything that I feel have a good time from itself.

You are utmost welcome to share about you!

Got nothing to share right now but I don't like this thread having 0 replies. I'm not sure I understood every bit of your post.

I guess we all had times when we felt we should've spoken, and times we felt we shouldn't have. I guess it takes a fair amount of self confidence to be able to say what you think in a way that isn't careless but still gets your point across, and sometimes it's just best to shut up; I have no idea whether I'm addressing things that you said or not as I didn't understand all of your message clearly...

Anyway life's about practice isn't it?

Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMITkDnpdaI

hope you're okay, Oli. i think it's possible people have been having difficulty interacting with you, but it definitely isn't because you're a jerk -- you are maybe excessively sweet; and always very formal, which is decidedly unusual for botb. it seems sometimes that there perhaps a bit of a language barrier, as well. but you don't deserve loneliness. it's important you make real personal connections, and bond with trusted people who will be happy to listen to you vent about whatever is bothering you. sometimes that can be difficult to find. i'm sorry if botbrs have not afforded you this. my honest advice is to loosen up a little, and try to be a little more succinct in your communication. this will make it easier for people to parse your meanings, and your emotions as well. wishing you luck and care

Oli, when I reached out to you to chat, you helped raise my spirits and I really appreciate that. Just wanted to share that here.

I don’t think you’re alone in struggling connecting what you think and feel to what you say, or with being honest with some thoughts. That’s a very human struggle for sure. Agree with hanna about the value in making personal connections. In a roundabout way that’s why I ended up checking out botb to begin with. People are drawn to communities like this not just to create and share cool things but also to make connections.

If I follow you, part of what you’re talking about is vulnerability. I feel like vulnerability is very helpful in establishing and strengthening connections with others (when the occasion is appropriate). From one perspective, there are lots of opportunities to do that here — the very act of creating and sharing something, is vulnerable in itself (at least to me). Being willing to be vulnerable and vent about stuff is something I’ve been working on as well over the last 4 years or so while trying to learn some stuff about myself, face my demons, and all that fun stuff. Sometimes I think a willingness to go a little outside your comfort zone can help lead to new connections also.

It’s difficult trying to connect in real ways with people on an Internet community where we all exist behind nicknames, avatars, keyboards, and different ways of communicating. If we interacted in person, it might feel completely different. I know a lot of people have met in person, but in general this isn’t the case.

Anyway, I think it’s good for all of us to be open to new experiences. Your willingness to put yourself out there is cool. Keep at it, and give yourself some time.

Social skills belongs to these few skills that are not an exact science. What is right for people from one hand might be wrong or outdated from other people. I easily understand what Oli said, even tho I didn't understood 100% of the original post. So, everyone forgive me if what will I say accidentally falls in the off-topic case.

Not every people are kind. If I resume correctly. in Internet it's all about nicknames and avatars, so anything ca become anyone. Even worse : everyone can be interchangeable. Based on this fact, that's not a reason to spit on everyone. There are kind people all over the place. What life has taught to me is :
+ Good people usually hides when the bad ones usually like to showcase theirselves. Be warned, this is just a cliché and not a generalisation.
+ People with a manipulative personnality are jerks. They catch tender-hearted people and drain them like a virus. That's mostly the reason why this is usually a good idea to not showcase its vulnerabilities, you take the risk of being a defenseless prey.

I deeply apologize if my point of view is harsh. Don't take my experiences as facts. I was born and raised in poverty, within one of the most dangerous neighborhoods of France. Since I have social issues, I quickly learned how to not trust anyone and how to not ask too many questions.

Also, - and just because transitions are useless - I hope I will someday get rid of my harsh personnality and mean way of speech. I mean, when I talk in real life, in my native language at least, I can't manage to say 4 words without vomitting a swear word or a diss. That acts like a vicious circle : people think I'm cool but have a harsh way of speech, so they don't stay with me, so it frightens me and I am in rage, that rejects people etc etc. Stepping out of the vicious circle is easier said than done.

tl;dr : Stay honest to yourself, that's the best way to go.

Thank you, YQN, hanna, kilowatt64 and HefkamazeR.

I consider that I have failed to pay attention to myself growing too frustrated and angry at my own from practicing my own verbal communication model; to this moment reducing my verbal interactions has been helping me in giving more peace to my mind.

Sweet, welcoming and supporting you are: Thank you for everything!

i have only my shyness and fear to blame